God Give Me The Strength I Need

I didn't sleep one wink last night. My mind is too jumbled, too out of order to sleep. I keep thinking why would he do this to me, why would he give up so easily. I feel so many emotions; anger, sadness, and sometimes I don't feel anything at all. I've been praying to God all night, praying that he'll realize how stupid he's being, that he'll come back to me because I am the one for him. I feel so broken right now, I don't even know how to get back up from this. He's not just taking away the love of my life, he's taking away my best friend. Because I know he's going to want to remain "friends," but when has that ever worked? It will never be the same again.

I've been reading 1 Corinthians 13. Its kind of both bringing up my spirits, but also making me sad. I know a lot of this is my fault. We've been fighting and it's been because of me; I'm too stubborn sometimes. I know the old proverb "if you set the bird free and it comes back its yours" could be this case, but I don't want to set him free, even though I might have to. I can only pray that he comes back to me. It's crazy that I've now been comparing this situation to Twilight's 2nd book, New Moon. I'm actually kind of hoping this will how it will be. I love him so much, I don't want to give him up yet. I don't want to give him up at all. But if that's what makes him happy, even though I am happiest with him, then I cannot refuse it. I know he'll come back to me. I believe he will. I have to, that's all I have left.